The Three Love Fears

By Armando Ricardo J. Aguado

All of us have our own list of fears. Ranging from animal-specific (fear of snakes, rats, etc.) to situational ones (fear of being raped, robbed, etc.), our fears are an integral part of who we are. They define our personality and influence how we live our lives.

But other than the usual and common fears lies a more unusual set, hidden beneath the guise of a truly deceptive emotion: love. Yes, there are still many people afraid to fall in love, or to enter relationships for that matter. In our world where no man is an island, read on and find out why some among us choose to stay single, no matter what.

 

The Fear of Rejection

Simply put, those who have this fear can certainly apply for membership in the Singles Awareness Day fans club, if they aren’t members already. As long as you have the fear of rejection, your chances of snagging that special someone the easy and simple way are slim to none. Face it: if you really love someone, you’re going to have to take risks for that person. Being rejected is one of them.

This particular fear has certainly struck in the hearts of many. Many guys have shied away from approaching a girl or asking her out because of this fear. On the other hand, a good number of girls are reluctant to share their true feelings for a guy for this same reason. While this is to be expected, I have to reiterate what I said earlier; if we really love someone, we have to be prepared to take risks, including putting our pride and ego on the line.

Famous lines: “Let’s just be friends.”

The Fear of Pain

Who would want to hurt a loved one? When we are in love, we try to avoid arguments and fights as much as we can. Why? This is because it’s our nature to do so. Human beings have a natural aversion to physical pain, and it is no different for pain psychologically induced. For single people however, this can be a double-edged sword: fear can hinder them from getting into relationships. Because they fear hurting themselves (say, if they get rejected), or they fear hurting others (how do I tell her I just want us to be friends?), they would rather not risk falling in love.

Some people who have experienced nothing but disappointment in the past become disillusioned with love and “give up” on it. Fearing that the next person to come into their life will just hurt them again, they resist any attempt to be wooed. One must therefore understand that the only way we will ever get stronger emotionally in relationships is by going through painful experiences which ultimately help develop our character as a whole.

Famous lines: “I never wanted to hurt you.”

The Fear of Loss

The worst fear of all is the fear of loss. This is when we fear losing that special someone in our lives (hence, we’d rather not attach ourselves to anyone). Now this is hardly what one would call an irrational fear, but again for some, it gets blown out of proportion. The philosophy of those single people who have this fear is that if they limit the number of people they get seriously attached to, the lesser the chances of their being hurt.

Truly, this philosophy makes sense, but it does not expose us to the realities of the world. No matter how badly we will try to isolate ourselves, we will always have someone special in our lives, be it family, friend or colleague. People with this fear should simply learn to value every moment spent with their loved ones, because in the end, that’s really all we can do.   

Famous lines: “I don’t want to lose you.”

So there you have it, the three most common fears in that game we play called love. While having these fears for a time is normal, problems will certainly arise if had over an extended period. My advice is this. Forget your fears and play the game well, so that when “game over” comes, it no longer signifies the end of a journey with you and your loved ones, only the beginning of a whole new one.