Love: Black and White

By Hilda Monica C. Naval

It seems that all I want to do now is make inquiries. Yet as I ask, I keep on reminding myself that there can really be no answers to the questions. Indeed if I consult people on subjects such as this, I would elicit opinions--things which are unverifiable-instead of the truth which I really seek. In point of fact, this series of questions might reach up to infinity. It could have no end.
           
If you know something by heart, it could be expected that you want to be interrogated by people to showcase what you know about the topic being discussed. You want to give more of your suggestions and you'd scarcely desire to hear what others would say. But when you're not so sure (or when you have the idea that you could be wrong) with your stand on an issue, you find it more comforting to seek for explanations that would somehow clarify the concepts that are vague. You never stop until you find satisfaction.

Love is one word people have tried to define for the past centuries. It is usually connected to the idea of loving, or the act of expressing love. Fortunately, upon hearing those two words one more thought pops into my head.  It is one question generations have tried to answer but none of them have resolved this matter perfectly. "On loving someone: Does it depend on your choice, or is it merely by chance?"
           
The willful ones would insist that loving someone is a choice. You choose whom, when and how to love. There is no such thing as destiny, or soul mates, for the existence of such would imply that someone or something unknown plays its role in matchmaking. It contradicts the idea of love being controlled by human choice for the reason that it's governed by the notion that you can manipulate everything. How things end up depend on you alone.
           
For Cupid’s modern-day followers, however, love is something controlled by an external Being—it is not merely in our hands. If you chose to love someone and you two aren't meant to be, destiny would keep you apart. Or even if you're together, you won't find happiness and contentment. Your heart would always yearn that someone meant for you, and your troubled self won't find peace until the two of you meet
           
How about you, what is your preference?
           
I used to have a stand on this contention until I started to play with my thoughts. I've tried to disprove all of my views regarding love. Along with that, I met people and have encountered events in my life--all of which have caused me to reassess and see things on a different perspective. Surprisingly, I was swayed. I find myself considering both sides instead of being partial to just one part.
           
I once went to an unfamiliar place to visit some of our relatives. Things were ordinary all throughout my visit so when I was about to go home, I didn't really have any reason to be sad about it. I even look forward to that day for I long to see my family so much. Actually there are other things, and persons too, that I really miss.
           
As I carry my packed bags on my way home, I saw a stranger and I looked at him with so much amazement. Because we were rushing to go to our respective destination, the gaze did not even last a minute. All of a sudden I can't understand myself, particularly how I reacted. I want to stay longer and it is a strange feeling. I don’t believe in love at first sight, and I still don't. Nothing about that perspective changed. But some other perceptions in my life dramatically changed. I found that my way of reasoning is not rested on a solid ground, and for the first time I reconsidered.

We were only given several minutes, the best that we can do is look at each other's eyes. I don't even know his name or his age, and even if we stayed at the same place for several minutes longer, none of us would ask dare to ask those personal questions. Or if I would ask, he might not answer for I am someone he doesn't know nor care for, and I feel the same. However, it has to be noted that we were bounded by the rules of the society. People don't interact with strangers for reasons--some are logical while some are not. Things of course would be a lot different if that particular guideline did not exist.
           
That single event have made me realize that my scarce time to would only enable me to meet a limited number of men, speak their language, learn their culture, and get to know them deeply. And whenever I give my verdict on a certain situation, I might be doing it out of ignorance… out of my inadequate knowledge… out of my limited experience… and out of my imperfect sight.
           
What is choice? What is chance? How can you say you are making something out of your choice? When can you be confident to say that you are deciding for yourself, and that judgment would shape your future the way you perceive it?
           
Do you not see yourself as someone who makes a decision out of a restricted number of options--that there are things not meant for you even if you want it? Who has then set the boundaries of that selection? Is it us, humans? Do our choices really affect it, or is it something far beyond what our capabilities could shape?
           
The very simple fact that I’m situated in a particular country at a given time tells me that finding love is not purely by my choice. Someone other than me might have laid its hands on it. Maybe he thought that things would be better that way. And surprisingly, I didn't find chaos when I considered the thought of marrying the concepts of chance and choice. I see the hope that somehow things are to follow an order--a meaningful order.

Many people would prefer to believe that love is choice, for it implies that we are in charge of the circumstances. We can live life the way we want to, and no one could stop us from pursuing our personal agendas. If chance, which we have defined as anything beyond our choice, plays even a small role in it, then the focus would not be in us but to that someone who has power and authority over us. It implies that there's the presence of an unknown authority, and he has set our limitations therefore has the final say on things. It could be Cupid. Or it could be an infinite being like a God. Or, after all, there might be none. Who knows? We can never tell. 

On this issue, we have classified things into two categories--one of which is the ideal while the other is not. I personally don't see things that way. More often than not, in life it is a juvenile reasoning that every incident could be classified as either black or white. Sometimes there is space in between, a seemingly-infinite distance occupied not just one color but a spectrum of varying amounts of black and white tint mixed together to form different shades of gray. Because of our hasty generalization, we let ourselves fit into any of the two opposing categories. Later on we find ourselves perplexed but we deny it. We have been so loyal to defending our own stand on an issue so we've been blinded to see the more essential things like truth.

At this point in time I see gray, instead of black or white. Being in this place, I have realized that gray doesn't necessarily imply confusion, and that it could give more explanations to counter he feelings of doubt I once had. And maybe on this matter it could actually mean discernment.