Get Connected! The Secret of Parent-Teen Communication
By Raynah Sivaraman

Parent-Teen communications usually range from the everyday, casual “hi, how was the day?” to that ultra-serious “sit down and listen... I have something important to say to you”, with most of such communications being somewhere in the middle of that range.
The most important requirement of such communications is that parents and teens must be within ear-shot -- to share views, give retorts, joke, laugh, scold, sulk and argue. Between parents and teens, it is this random exchange of thoughts, ideas and feelings that holds the secret of successful communication.

Parent-Teen communications will have their share of interruptions -- the strident ringing of the phone or those cell-phone beeps or a group of teens dropping by unannounced -- but exasperation at such times (can't we ever discuss something seriously without being interrupted?) is often balanced, at other times, by exhilaration (so we did manage a half-hour together!)….and in this way, parent-teen communication is sustained.

The parent-teen connection can happen in several wonderful, unplanned ways only if one welcomes the other into one's space, even if it's a bit inconvenient. Just being around each other gives the simple message, I'm here for you. Both parent and teen then have the freedom to dwell on mundane matters like who sent you that text? Or, why did your mood suddenly change? It opens up that space where parents can express their apprehensions and concerns to their teen, and teens can introduce their friends to their parents – not in person, but just by relating incidents that took place during the day or the week.

Isn't it great for a parent to be able to say I kind of know my teen's friends... though I haven't actually met all of them? Isn't it great for teens to feel that sharing stuff about friends or teachers with their parent, bestows on them a better understanding of people, an opportunity to articulate their feelings and opinions in a real safe place without fear of ridicule, an ability to accept others, and most importantly, an ability to accept oneself?

Getting connected opens up the possibility for parents and teens to talk on issues of sex and relationships by sharing experiences... not in long, profound conversations, but briefly, humorously and yet, in all sincerity. It allows parents to admit to their teens that friendships last longer than crushes... I still cherish my friendships while those crushes have been forgotten; Or, a mother to happily remind her daughter... Nerds can be fun too, your father's one. It also allows teens to ask what happened on your first date? Or, how do you recognize true love?

The parent-teen connection is not about having all the answers -- it is also about being hurt, angry, confused and uncertain. Basically, all communication that is open and honest requires confidence and love -- great dollops of both -- and when that happens, you will hold the secret to effective parent-teen communication and all the magic that it evokes.